No, YOU just spent $35 on iTunes in twenty minutes. On this.
What year is this?
5
Category Archives: I’m a good time
Next time do it better, faulty salad and bad drivers
Story of my life.
If I were to write a Dr. Seuss-esque book it would be called “The Weeks Are Long, The Weekends Are Short.” Followed by the line, “My eyes are red, I have nothing to report.”
I’ve been up to my eyeballs in work, commuting and work with a side of commuting and everywhere you look around here is the sight of pure neglect. *blows dust off blog*
A few completely random thoughts (they wouldn’t be mine if they were organized) I’ve collected somewhere in the empties of my brain over the last week or two:
If there’s ever a shortage of salad (not lettuce mind you, but salad as a whole) you can, with clear conscience, blame Santa Monica. I’m on a steady diet of salad from This Place or salad from That Place because apparently all there is to eat in Santa Monica is salad. Even when the company orders in pizza for everyone, there it is: SALAD! and everyone, brainwashed to gravitate toward the green stuff is like OOOOH! I’ll take some of that SALAD! Oh and there’s pizza? That’s cool. I guess.
But no, I’m not any skinnier so… yeah. Um. What the hell? FAULTY SALAD. That’s what.
I drive 51 miles to work and 51 miles back home. In traffic. In – essentially – Los Angeles. This is the equivalent of your dad telling you he had to walk to and from school every day, barefoot, in the snow, uphill. For 51 miles. It’s a gorgeous, photogenic coastal drive but the amount stupid driving on the road is insurmountable. Through my extensive research I can tell you the pricier the car, the dumber the driver in this particular area. But get behind a work truck or a bus and you’re golden. I know the rhythms. Got them down pat. But when someone, usually a tourist who’s gawking at the ocean like “Oooh! Water! It’s wet! Soooo prettttty! I’ll just drive by really sllooowwwllly rather than pull the fuck over and actually touch it!” decides to cruise instead of drive and messes up the commuters’ patterns, god help them.
I need a megaphone – please and thank you. Have you any idea how many times a day I have to tell someone they’re the worst driver EVER? Huh, son?
But I’m not an angry driver. I’m just a vocal one. Ahem.
In other random news, the boys begged me to add “Draw Something” to their iPads. So if you’re one of the lucky ones receiving random, fucked up drawings of “fog,” I’m sorry and you’re welcome. At least they’re not one of those assholes who just write the answer and submit it to you. (WHAT’S WRONG WITH THOSE PEOPLE?)
At first this was so much work, playing this game with the boys. ["Mom, how do you spell 'pregnant'?" Um... *shifty eyes*] But now it’s our cool little way of staying in touch when they’re not with me. We pass loving notes back-and-forth before each drawing like the one above from my 9 year old. *cough* And, I have the added benefit of knowing when certain little shits have taken their iPads to bed with them when they weren’t supposed to. Oh, I have a particular little 7 year old who’s waiting on my drawing at 11 pm? GUESS WHO IS LOSING THEIR PRIVILEGES?
This is parenting in twenty-twelve, people.
A closer look at classic rock
I know you don’t need no education and I was tempted to leave you kids alone, but I thought you could use another brick in your wall of music lyric education by yours truly – this time in the classic rock genre which I am also a fan of.
[If you missed my analytical breakdown of rap lyrics, you can find it here.]
(You ridiculously young folk – who probably shouldn’t be reading this blog – will recognize some of these classic rock “tunes” from Guitar Hero. Blasphemy!)
I’m in the mood and the rhythm is right to move to the music, so let’s get started, shall we?
It’s more than a feeling, it’s my theme song. Suddenly I’m a 50 year old man in a pool hall, using one hand to punch numbers on a not-so-old jukebox that plays mp3s instead of records while using my other to hold my frosty Budweiser and within the first few notes crackling through the shitty billiard speakers, I don’t only close my eyes and drift awaaaaaaay, my pool stick also becomes a guitar I riff on. So many people have come and gone, but Boston? You complete me.
Now, being just a small town girl, livin’ in a lonely world, I’d be hesitant to take a midnight train goin’ anywhere… but damned if it isn’t fate that a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit took the same goddamn train goin’ anywhere. I don’t own much cheap perfume (shit is expensive) but dancing up and down the boulevard? GUILTY. Street lights, people, hiding somewhere in the night? Just another Saturday, people. Welcome to Hollywood – what’s your dream?
In my life, there’s been heartache and pain. I don’t know if I can face it again – or if I can even make those two lines rhyme [pain? again? eh.] – but I’ll tell you one thing: I wanna know what love is and I want you to show me. I KNOW you can show me. (UPDATE: I’m going to take a little time – a little time to look around me. Looks like love has finally found me.)
Now, indulge me for a second: I’m gonna have a fantasy. Now I know love is blind, but read between the lines… Love in an elevator: fun or cumbersome? Do we bother to stop for lingerie on the 2nd floor or is that a mood killer? Do you care to learn how to fax in the mailroom, honey, or is that innuendo? Also, just a disclaimer, with L.A. traffic, I don’t know if I can have you home by 5, but I do like the whole idea of lovin’ it up while you’re going dow-ow-ow-owwwn…
It’s like a Tide commercial in the making, but if you want to pour some sugar on me, love is like bomb, baby, come on get it on, by all means. Though calling me a “devilish woman” and “Little Miss Innocent” all in one breath? Perplexing, but, because you have mad crazy rock hair will I let that one go. After all, you are hot, sticky and sweet from your head to feet (feet? the fuck?) and basically, I CAN’T GET ENOUGH. P.S. I take two lumps.
Momma, life – it just begun – but now I’ve gone and thrown it all away…. OK so that’s not true. But if I’m not back this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on. Did that send shivers down your spine? Sorry. I don’t have to go. Well I do. But only briefly. I’ll be back soon with more lyrical genius… next time with some hipster-take-the-wheel hysteria for you.
*slams guitar into speaker and walks off stage*
Aww, skeet-skeet: Analyzing rap lyrics
I’ll be wearing a hood foreva.
My iTunes is a ridiculous mix of genres from the booty-shakin’ beats of hip-hop and rap to the hipster-take-the-wheel emo tunes and even a tiny bit o’ crooning by some of them country-western folk. I listen to music every. single. morning. as I get dressed and put my make-up on and as I dry my nails (I have a whole nail drying dance that I swear-to-god works – more on that destined-to-be-viral idea later) and now I’m really taking my jams to a whole new level of serious with my uber-long commute to work.
I might dance in my car like only all of So Cal is watching. Haters be hatin’ but my booty be shakin’.
My commute also gives me far too much time to think about the lyrics of the music I’m pop-and-locking to, which has led to me this very moment, where I break it all down for you; the very meaning of the hip-hop lyrics you’ve been wondering about.
Just freaking play along like you were wondering, m’kay?
Now before you go commenting like “Oh that’s not even what they’re saying!” Or, “THAT’S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS!!!” Let me tell you a couple things. 1. *looks around* This isn’t your blog. And, 2. I can certainly be down with O.P.P. (Other Peoples’ Perspectives) but this isn’t one of those times.
I ball so hard m*therf*ckers wanna find me. Let me tell you what, Jay-Z. I haaaated playing tetherball against assholes like you. Don’t ball so hard. It sounds painful. Bitch behave? Oh hell no. That shit you say? CRAY. Provocative? Yes. Does it get the people goin’? Yes. BUT CRAY, Jay.
Now Flo, I know that “sometimes (you) get a good feeling” but most guys do; it usually happens first thing in the morning, for starters. It’s cool. But the whole “giving in’s not an option, gotta get it in” has me all arched-brow over here like, you ain’t sayin’ what I think you’re sayin’ right? You talkin’ about gym time? Knew it. *whew*
I just wish Drake had told us what the motto was a lot sooner. I know he’s only 25 sitting on 25 mil, but crap, it would have been nice to know it was as simple as “you only live once” like, yesterday. I would have done EVERYTHING differently. Skeet, skeet, skeet.
I’m just sorry J. Cole can’t be my man. I got high, I got low, I dropped my thang down to the flo’ and… he’s only here for one night? Bullshit. Get right, get right. And to think I wanted to ride around town in his big ol’ raaaaange, nevermind his big ol’ chaaaaains. Damn they don’t make ‘em like that anymore. *sigh*
Oh, Tyga. I know you were faded/faded/faded/faded when you wrote this ’cause you keep saying the same goddamn thing over/over/over/over again. You spit out random shit like “Scarface” and “Dan Marino” without meaning/meaning/meaning/meaning and frankly I’m going to need Botox/Botox/Botox/Botox from wrinkling my forehead trying to get it/get it/get it/get it.
And lemme tell you something, Lil Jon. When the sweat starts drippin’ down yo’ balls, it’s time for you to get off the got-damn dance floor and air yo’ junk out. That’s funk waiting to happen. I’m all for a guy gettin’ low on the dance flo’ (I ain’t scared, I ain’t scared) but aww, skeet, skeet muthafucker, I don’t want to hear about your wonder cheese.
Join me next time as I dissect Hipster Hysteria, classic rock tunes or possibly some boot-scootin’ country.
Do work, son
Insert golf clap here, I’ve officially been at my new job for two weeks. Just long enough to figure out my chaotic morning and nightly routines and plenty long enough to have my share of awkward moments that only I could create.
Everyone is crazy friendly at this company and I’ve noticed how super proactive they are about introducing themselves in hallways, the kitchen area, anywhere – even if we don’t necessarily work closely together. Taking this cue, a week in I decided to do the same over the cappuccino machine (where I have taught people to make foam, OF COURSE) by introducing myself to a man and telling him which team I work on, how I am new, etc. to which he replies, “I know. We met your first day?”
Riiiight. Whoops. And so we meet again?
There are also a fair share of celebrities and producers and Big Names roaming our office and the building hallways and while I’m not one to usually put faces with names (see above), I found myself a little dumbfounded to run into a producer of a show that sounds similar to Lurvivor mid-stairwell.
No, no. Like, physically run into him.
IN MY DEFENSE, who stops mid-step to text? Fine. Plenty of people. But should they? No.
A few days later color me surprised when the whole Hump Island selection suddenly became relevant in a totally YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT MEGAN kind of way when a certain Bostonian who likes ‘dem apples’ was roaming the hallways.
People, this is why you don’t laminate your Hump Island choices.
Next week I get to meet the co-owners/partners of the company. I think it’s incredibly cool that they do that sort of thing with each and every employee but really, y’all know me, this is just an opportunity for me to see how far I can stick my foot in my mouth.
But seriously, I’m pretty sure there’s not a whole lot worse I can do with my nervous banter since I checked out my bio on the internal site and, heh/blush/cough/fuuuuuuck, what do you know? There it is, all shiny and shit: a link to this here blog.
*waves hi to my new co-workers*
*shifty eyes*
And on the home front, I’m adjusting – and quicker than I expected which is good. So very good. Going from married to divorced to single mom to single working mom… god, it’s been a roller coaster. But I’m really loving this new ride I’m on and am managing to not worry so much about the upcoming twists and turns; it’s refreshing to just enjoy the thrill of it all.
FRIENDS photo-a-day challenge
I know, I know… I just did one of these catchy little photo-a-day memes. BUT, when my friend and fellow Friends addict Miss suggested we make a Friends photo challenge I couldn’t resist. The possibilities were endless and it was like, can open, worms EVERYWHERE.*
*A Friends addict will totally get that reference.
But, even if you’re not a Friends fanatic and don’t have every line of every episode memorized, that’s OK [But why? Why-why-why?] – anyone can participate and play.
Miss and I used various episode titles as daily themes which you can interpret any way you would like via photograph. [The highlighted words in red help give you more of a general theme for the day.] You can use whatever kind of camera you want – from a fancy DSLR to your iPhone.
Share your daily Friends Photo-A-Day Challenge photos on Twitter and Instagram using the hashtag #FRIENDSpc.
We’re beginning the Friends Photo-A-Day Challenge starting tomorrow, February 1 but you’re welcome to start at any point and go at your own pace.
30 day photography challenge {photos – week two}
I’ve joined a bunch of others – bloggers/Twitterers/Internety people – in a 30 day photography challenge. Some are using DSLRs, some point-and-shoot cameras… Me? I’m doing all my photos via iPhone for fun.
Here are my photos from week two. You can see everyone’s photos here. Or follow the hashtag #TDPC on Twitter or Instagram.
day eight – a bad habit:
day nine – with someone you love:
day ten – a childhood memory:
day eleven – something blue:
day twelve – sunset {the last sunset of 2011, fittingly enough}
day thirteen – with thirteen things:
day fourteen – eyes:
Upcoming week’s themes: silhouette, long exposure, technology, your shoes, something orange, bokeh, faceless self-portrait…
30 day photography challenge {photos – week one}
I’m joining a bunch of others – bloggers/Twitterers/Internety people – in a 30 day photography challenge. Some are using DSLRs, some point-and-shoot cameras… Me? I’m doing all my photos via iPhone for fun.
Here are my photos from week one. You can see everyone’s photos here. Or follow the hashtag #TDPC on Twitter or Instagram.
day one – self-portrait:
day two – what you wore today:
day three – clouds:
day four – something green:
day five – from a high angle:
day six – from a low angle:
day seven – fruit:
Upcoming week’s themes: a bad habit, someone you love, childhood memory, something blue, sunset, yourself with 13 things, eyes.
30 day photography challenge
I’ve seen this on Pinterest and thought it was a fun idea but kinda pushed it off because oh my god, when am I not neck-deep in photos? But then I saw Monique of Razing Mayhem tweeting about it and, well, it’s just more fun to do something like this when others are doing it too. So, here I am jumping aboard the 30 day photography challenge too.
If you want to do it, you can link up here. Day 1 starts tomorrow (Dec 20) and you post your photos the following day (giving everyone time to upload, edit, what-have-you). I will probably post my photos for the week at the end of each week rather than daily – just because it’s easier. Monique also put together a Flickr pool just for this so everyone can share their photos there too. Be sure to join it if you’re participating!
You don’t have to be a professional photographer to play along or even own a fancy camera. In fact, I plan on attempting the daily challenges using only my iPhone just to see what happens.
The Twitter/Instagram hashtag is #TDPC if you’re sharing photos or following along there.
Can’t wait to see everyone’s photographs!
I believe in ____________.
What do you believe in? From the religious to the silly, to the must-have’s and the oh-please’s… Simplified, significant, sweet or straight-forward… Finish the sentence in the comments. And you can answer as many times as you want.
I believe in __________________.
I’ll go first.
I believe in love. Still.
I believe in the importance of amazing friends.
I believe in good coffee.
I believe in the power of telling a story through a photograph.
I believe in making wishes.
Your turn.