All I have to say is, good god people! What’s with the obsession with my toes/pedicure? That was nothing more than a do-it-yourself paint job with cheap ass polish at that.

In truth, I was just waiting for school to get out to pick up the E-man. Which is why I asked everyone to get their creative on… 

I thought it was hysterical that just about everyone incorporated something about my bare feet/toes and/or Starbucks into their guesses. Very fitting. But I have to give to Rattling the Kettle for his response:

Tired of the usual naval-gazing that goes on at her blog, Megan contemplates toe-gazing instead. She quickly gives up on the idea, however, when she realizes that her index toe does not have a toenail. "How did that happen?", she says to herself, adding, "Hmmm…I wonder if maybe drinking 15 cappuccinos a day is starting to have health consequences. And, why the hell am I talking to myself? I should probably tweet this."

Now go give him some shit on his blog, he deserves it. Naval-gazing? My ass!

*For those who asked: The purse was bought in Atlanta at a store I can’t recall the name of in the Lennox mall. But I have since seen the print EVERYWHERE. The nail polish is actually two colors – I wanted the purple to be super dark, so first I put one coat of black using Jessica nail polish called "Sunset Blvd" and topped with a coat of purple Nicole nail polish called "Star of the Party." Both polishes can be found at Target.

What am I doing in this photo?

Guess as often as you’d like in the comments, contest runs through Sunday night at 8:00 PM Pacific. I am looking for the most creative answer, not necessarily the most accurate this time. So have fun with it.

Winner receives a $20 gift card to Starbucks. 

I don’t think anyone could possibly contest the winner of the "NAME THAT THING!" contest… I mean, yes, you all were incredibly explicit on a whole new phallic level, but "just wrong" nailed it (Ha!) with "amish dildo." While I find that description to be indisputable, I do think someone should let Williams-Sonoma know that this so-called ‘tool’ (HA!) may not be appropriate for their store.

But who am I to judge?

Thanks to all who participated… you sick, sick mutha fuckas! "Just Wrong" will be receiving a pound of Starbuck’s new Burundi Kayanza whole bean coffee for having an awesome sense of humor.

How about a contest for the weekend? (Read: Too busy potty training and consequently crying to post something meaningful.)

(Hey, at least I didn’t make you read more about potty training. THAT’S why we’re still friends.) (But that’s not to say I won’t post on potty training again. Just not today. YOU’RE WELCOME.) ((((((I LIKE PARENTHESIS!!!))))))

You’ve already seen this photo:

And yes, I know that Amber was kind enough to explain its proper use in the comments of my Culinary Genius post. But all seriousness aside, come up with your most bullshit, creative use and/or name for this/these thing(s). (Meaning the wooden contraptions in the photo.)

Enter as many times as you would like (please create a separate comment for each idea, it’s easier to read) until Sunday at 8:00 PM Pacific Time. I’ll have Candy Ass choose the winner sometime after that.

The winner will receive…

One pound of Starbuck’s new Burundi Kayanza bold whole bean coffee. (It has blackberry notes.) (And no, I have no fucking clue what that means, but it says that on the package and it sounds fancy, so… there ya go.)

Good luck!

These guys?

They’re practicing fly fishing in the middle of a field where E-man is also playing T-Ball. (Yes, we were pretending we didn’t know them.) Because fly fishing, it requires LOTS of practice. And LOTS of planning. Just before this little practice session, these same guys had gone to breakfast to discuss strategy.

And I’m so not kidding.

But oh my god, did you guys ever come up with some of the craziest, funniest guesses.

Aaron is the winner… he was the closest with his guess "If you look close, and even though the object in the hatman’s hand seems a little thick, he seems to be holding the object like you would a fishing pole. What are the chances that he is testing out casting a new fishing rod, and the other knucklehead fisherman are watching (and drooling) intently."

And yes, I think fishing requires drooling also.

Thanks to everyone who participated.

Mixing things up a bit… I’m going to give you an entire photo (no cropping) and you have to tell me what the people in this photo are doing.

Guess as often as you’d like in the comments section of this post. Be very specific (winner is whoever is most accurate) and if you have no effing clue then be very creative (if no one guesses it, the most creative guess will win).

The photo:

Contest runs all weekend, ending Sunday night at 8:00 PM Pacific. Winner will receive a $25 gift card to (where else?) Starbuck’s. And who couldn’t use one of those?

P.S. Starbucks now has their Pumpkin Spice Lattes out. Like you needed another reason to hit up your local Bux… but still… I was excited.

Good luck.

No one got it exactly, but JanMO was the closest with her guess "moldy bread." Truth is, this:

is actually this:

None other than a few hot dog buns gone, uh, very bad. And not the kinda bad that’s so bad it’s good; just plain nasty. Fact is, I can’t remember even buying these, but let me tell you, what a lovely surprise! when I was kneeling atop my kitchen counter, looking on the highest shelf in the cupboard for some brown sugah. (BTW, does anyone know if brown sugar goes bad? I’ve probably had that same bag for years. Seriously.) These bad boys are so moldy…

[EVERYONE: How moldy are they??]

… there was LIQUID oozing from the bag. YUMMY.

The truth is, this ain’t my first merry-go-round with expired food. Just a month or so ago, Candy Ass took to cleaning off our pantry shelves and let me tell you, I had no idea that shit in a can went bad. No surprise here, but apparently allegedly, I had cake mix (that’s right MIX. BETTY CROCKER, baby.) that expired in 2005. That almost takes talent. Of course, all I heard from Candy Ass was a bunch of bitching and moaning about how much food I’ve wasted. And some of that whining about over-buying, over-spending on groceries each week. But you’ve already heard about that.

Mad props to all you guessers. Loved the funny ones… like suggesting it was Candy Ass or Jimmy Hoffa, which I thought was redundant. (Oops! Did I reveal too much?) I also like the ones where people guessed and then talked themselves out their own guess as they continued to type. I can relate…

In a purely selfish attempt to make me feel better, what have you found in your fridge/cupboard/trunk that has gone bad?

Time’s Up. Winner announced tomorrow morning.

***

Last update…

It is not any kind of sugar.

It is not anyone’s ashes.

It IS a food of some sort that does NOT require refridgeration.

Those are NOT my fingers in the left portion of the photo.

***

No one has nailed it yet, so I thought I’d let you in on three secrets:

1. Yes, you’re ALL right, it’s in a bag… a clear plastic bag.

2. It is NOT clay of any kind.

3. It is not my husband or Jimmy Hoffa.

And because my coffee tastes especially good today, I’ll let you in on one more so-vague-it’s-probably-not-helpful-clue:

I think it’s safe to say everyone has owned this, a lot of people buy it frequently, although perhaps not in this condition. (Undoubtedly now someone will email me and tell me, no, they have ever owned this.)

Good luck… guess until 8:00 PM Pacific Time tonight. And if you have no clue whatsoever, just come up with something creative.

***

It’s been a while since we’ve done a Guess That Photo contest so guess what? Yep!

Rules are same as always: Guess as much and as often as you’d like in the comments section of this post. Contest runs for two days, ending at 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Thursday. Prize goes to whoever guesses correctly (is the most accurate) so please give very specific guesses. If no one guesses correctly, then the prize goes to whoever is the most creative in their answer. 

Prize? Hello, Cappuccino! A $25 gift card to Starbucks.

The photo: (Except for being cropped, this photo has not been jacked with in Photoshop.)

Good luck.

First they were too hard and now… to easy?!? Angie had it right – it’s none other than a box of boring old envelopes. I wish it were the filter to a brand new air conditioner… but it’s not. Have I mentioned the record 100+ degree heat we’re having this week? Yeah.

Anyway, a big congrats to Angie… who will be receiving one pound of the Kopelani Coffee Beans that debuted at Starbuck’s yesterday.

I’d write more, but I’ve got a sore throat that makes child birth seem tame. (OK, so not child birth. BUT IT REALLY, REALLY HURTS. If I were a man, I’d have spent the day in bed, watching a Bonanza marathon and dozing in and out. But I’m a mom, which, APPARENTLY, is a whole different thing and hypocrisy does not apply to me. (Although I wish it did.))

In celebration of Starbuck’s debuting their new Summer drinks today (which may or may not include energy drinks, double-shot espressos among summery blended creations), I thought I’d do a "Guess That Photo" contest where the winner will receive one pound of the just-on-the-shelves today Kopelani Blend Coffee Beans. It’s a medium blend of African, Latin American and Kona Coffees and Starbucks should REALLY be paying me for saying all this. But they’re not. I’m just an addict who can’t help herself. (Good thing my vice is espresso and not alcohol. Am I right?)

Anyway, rules are same as always. Put your very, very specific guess in the comments section of this post. You may guess as many times as you’d like through 8:00 PM Pacific tonight. If more than one person guesses correctly, the prize goes to whoever either guessed first or was more specific. 

The photo has been cropped, but not skewed in any other way or fashion.

If no one figures it out, prize goes to the most creative guess. Good luck!