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A closer look at classic rock

I know you don’t need no education and I was tempted to leave you kids alone, but I thought you could use another brick in your wall of music lyric education by yours truly – this time in the classic rock genre which I am also a fan of.

[If you missed my analytical breakdown of rap lyrics, you can find it here.]

(You ridiculously young folk – who probably shouldn’t be reading this blog – will recognize some of these classic rock “tunes” from Guitar Hero. Blasphemy!)

I’m in the mood and the rhythm is right to move to the music, so let’s get started, shall we?

It’s more than a feeling, it’s my theme song. Suddenly I’m a 50 year old man in a pool hall, using one hand to punch numbers on a not-so-old jukebox that plays mp3s instead of records while using my other to hold my frosty Budweiser and within the first few notes crackling through the shitty billiard speakers, I don’t only close my eyes and drift awaaaaaaay, my pool stick also becomes a guitar I riff on.┬áSo many people have come and gone, but Boston? You complete me.

Now, being just a small town girl, livin’ in a lonely world, I’d be hesitant to take a midnight train goin’ anywhere… but damned if it isn’t fate that a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit took the same goddamn train goin’ anywhere. I don’t own much cheap perfume (shit is expensive) but dancing up and down the boulevard? GUILTY. Street lights, people, hiding somewhere in the night? Just another Saturday, people. Welcome to Hollywood – what’s your dream?

In my life, there’s been heartache and pain. I don’t know if I can face it again – or if I can even make those two lines rhyme [pain? again? eh.] – but I’ll tell you one thing: I wanna know what love is and I want you to show me. I KNOW you can show me. (UPDATE: I’m going to take a little time – a little time to look around me. Looks like love has finally found me.)

Now, indulge me for a second: I’m gonna have a fantasy. Now I know love is blind, but read between the lines… Love in an elevator: fun or cumbersome? Do we bother to stop for lingerie on the 2nd floor or is that a mood killer? Do you care to learn how to fax in the mailroom, honey, or is that innuendo? Also, just a disclaimer, with L.A. traffic, I don’t know if I can have you home by 5, but I do like the whole idea of lovin’ it up while you’re going dow-ow-ow-owwwn…

It’s like a Tide commercial in the making, but if you want to pour some sugar on me, love is like bomb, baby, come on get it on, by all means. Though calling me a “devilish woman” and “Little Miss Innocent” all in one breath? Perplexing, but, because you have mad crazy rock hair will I let that one go. After all, you are hot, sticky and sweet from your head to feet (feet? the fuck?) and basically, I CAN’T GET ENOUGH. P.S. I take two lumps.

Momma, life – it just begun – but now I’ve gone and thrown it all away…. OK so that’s not true. But if I’m not back this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on. Did that send shivers down your spine? Sorry. I don’t have to go. Well I do. But only briefly. I’ll be back soon with more lyrical genius… next time with some hipster-take-the-wheel hysteria for you.

*slams guitar into speaker and walks off stage*

6 thoughts on “A closer look at classic rock

  1. Al_Pal says:


  2. Tamara in TX says:

    HA! I sang along with you.

  3. I’m really not sure how you got all of those song playing in my head at once. Either you’re super talented or I’m a freak.

    Probably a little of both.

  4. VDog says:

    This is fucking awesome.

  5. Brian says:

    I’ve been holding a lighter over my head for an hour now hoping you would come back and do Freebird.

  6. I LOVE every one of those songs….though “Love in an Elevator” kind of annoys me.. ;-)

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