Defining sexy

Don’t you roll your eyes at me, but, after reading a magazine and having a book-club-like discussion over a particular article with a friend via telephone (yes, I still have phone conversations every once and a while) we couldn’t help but ponder this little question:

What makes a man sexy?

Now, your answers will range greatly depending on all sorts of variables like: whether you have kids, if you’re married, whether you’ve been divorced, if you’re single, maybe because yanno-yanno it’s been a while, or whatever else is on your mind, but please, by all means, let. it. out. All of it.

An example: Not too long ago I saw a guy at a bar on the dance floor doing the ol’ dice roll dance move. Sexy as hell. Ok, so the dance move wasn’t the greatest. Obviously. But to me, a guy who is willing to get on the dance floor with you? Even Especially at the risk of looking silly? Sexy.

From the serious to the silly to the sexual… On the inside and on the out… What do you think makes a man sexy?

And guys? Same goes for you. What makes a girl sexy?

Go.

31 thoughts on “Defining sexy

  1. I thought she said, a man with a cock and that can clean. But since she didn’t, I’ll say it. A man with a cock and that can clean. Along with a funny personality with a touch of seriousness.

  2. Best panty dropper is when a person makes you feel like you are the only person in the world. Add some honest compliments, the word sexy doesn’t even start to explain it.

  3. I think self-confidence is sexy in anyone. I also like someone who is easy-going, not too rigid about having things his own way. But the one thing that really gets me is when a man is excellent at something. Not saying what – it could be designing widgets – but if he is truly excellent and competent in some area, I just love it.

      • Ok. I like what you said and I want to believe it, believe me, all women want to believe it. But I’ve been thinking about it and while this may be true for you, do you think most men REALLY want a confident, driven woman –or– do they think they do and then those same qualities end up scaring them off a little bit? Not that guys don’t appreciate a girl with a brain or any of that, but, sometimes a girl who exudes confidence can be somewhat threatening to some guys (not all guys, but definitely some). Just saying….

        • Do MOST men really want that? No, I’d highly doubt that most men wanted that in a woman. That’s probably due in some regard to the fact that most guys would be intimidated by that factor. Just because a woman is smart and has drive doesn’t mean she has to be threatening about it.

          My girlfriend is a great example of this, if you get her talking about her passions and what she wants out of life, she holds her own. She is driven and will do whatever it takes to get there, someday, but she’s not overbearing about it.

        • My guess is that this is true for Bret, but may not be true for all men. Some men may be threatened by a confident, driven because—let’s face it—some men just want a trophy wife the same way some just women want a trophy husband.

          In the end, there probably isn’t one thing that makes a man/woman sexy any more than there is one thing that all men/women want. Certainly we all want to wanted, loved, and valued, but beyond those sorts of things we all want different things. That’s what makes us all interesting and unique.

          Which is why I said in an earlier comment that sexy is the confidence you (man or woman) from learning to like yourself. If you can’t appreciate yourself, how can you expect someone else to appreciate you? And if you don’t like yourself, you’re always going to be looking to someone else from whom to derive all of your self worth. In my experience, that’s not a recipe for success. It’s unhealthy for you and an exhausting, Sisyphean task for your partner.

  4. Sexy men:
    think you’re worth fighting for
    aren’t sorry AFTER
    kiss you on the neck IN FRONT OF THEIR FRIENDS
    make you forget all the bad men you’ve known

  5. Pretty simple for me:
    good hygiene
    has a sense of humor
    knows how to fix things

    my husband is older than me by six years. he has a lot more experience with some things that I don’t, and it’s a huge turn on for me when he can help me out. he’s also a trained cook… yes, please.

    • See, women need to read this, hear this, believe this. THIS is why I want guys to weigh-in on what makes a girl sexy to them. Well put.

      • I might also add that liking yourself doesn’t mean that you don’t wish your breasts were bigger/smaller, your hair was curlier or straighter, or that you wouldn’t kill for a body like Jessica Biel’s. (What I wouldn’t give for Ryan Reynolds’ abs.)

        Those kinds of wishes are normal and fine; just don’t let them own you.

  6. Confidence. That always makes a man sexy to me. Confidence includes knowing that cleaning, cooking or appreciating good cooking is part of confidence. Confidence spills over to the bedroom, where he knows he’s the only man in the world who can make you shake like a leaf in a hurricane, while he’s going down on you. He walks with that said confidence when you’re in mixed company and some other man is flirting with you. You can flirt back, knowing that you’ll take that warm feeling other dude gave you, back to THE man at home. Because he posses not only the ability to make you wet with a glace, but he posses your heart.

  7. Manly hands. Well-groomed, yes, but hands that look like they belong to a MAN. They’re the first thing that I look at. I can’t imagine being swept off my feet by pudgy, tapering, effeminate fingers.

    A ready smile. The ability to whip an ass if need be, but the restraint required to not fly off the handle at every little slight.

    Intellect. Street smarts. A little bit of a smart mouth. A huge sense of humor. Compassion and wisdom.

    The fastest way into my pants is through my brain and/or funny bone.

    I like someone who is not afraid to go HARD at life. I like someone who is not afraid to tell me when I’m being a dick and isn’t a dick while he’s doing so.

    Thoughtful gestures are sexy. I’m not about dropping hints and I don’t like to ask. If a man pays attention when I remark on something in passing and gifts me with it later, I think that is HOT. It means he’s on top of things and stuff doesn’t escape him.

    I like to cook with a man. The hottest dancing my husband and I do is the sly, understated one around one another in the kitchen when we both have hands to task. Lots of meaningful conversation happens there, too, whether that is the intent when we set out or not.

    Good-fitting jeans coupled with a bare torso and bare feet makes me NUTS.

  8. Sexy to me is a man who loves to read, wears glasses, smells delicious, loves to laugh with me in and out of bed, shares my interests and passion for things, and confidence. I can’t stress that last one enough. There’s a huge difference between confidence and arrogance and I don’t want to have to make a guy feel better about himself but I also don’t want to roll my eyes at him either ya know? As for in the bedroom, have confidence, take charge, and don’t be afraid to try new things and to mix things up. There’s a lot of fun to be had in the bedroom along with passion and love to share. If I know I’m going to have a good time, I’m going to be ready to do that a LOT. Often. Over and over again. *ahem*

  9. sexy smile, vibrant eyes, white straight teeth, well groomed nails hands/feet/ landing strip, not to much make-up, dress up/dress down, confident/independent and willing to experiment in the bedroom

  10. What makes a man sexy to me is someone who doesn’t even know they are sexy, they are just themselves all the time. It helps if he can cook, clean up after himself, take out the garbage and be self sufficient. I love being with a man who knows his way around the kitchen. A guy who smells great, takes care of himself physically, and dresses well. Confidence and a sense of humor are also on the list. A man who makes me feel like his priority, not his option, even when we are with his friends. A man who can look at me and make me melt with just that look. A great kisser is really sexy too. I love a guy who knows his way around the garage, can fix things, make a motor run and isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. In a nutshell, a man who isn’t afraid to be himself and make me feel like I am the only woman in the world for him is going to score him points. There is a lot more to add to the list but that’s the jist of it for me.

  11. Witty, confident, honest, well mannered, smart, strong, dry humored, mindful of ridiculous details & smells clean.
    *************perfect man****************

  12. If I find someone physically attractive, that factor that makes them sexy is a sharp sense of humor and the confidence to be funny without being self-conscious. Sarcasm and wit, raw intelligence – those are really what makes someone sexy to me. Oh, and if she has a full body tattoo of a black woman with an afro riding a dragon that’s holding flaming swords, that’s just a bonus.

  13. I find a man sexy when:
    – he is intelligent and quick-witted, so he can keep up with me without being threatened by the fact that I’m both intelligent and a major smart-ass.
    – he knows the authentic me, and lets me feel without a doubt that while he sees the flaws, they really don’t matter to him at all, because he truly believes that my good points are enough to make me perfect just as I am.
    – he is not afraid to let himself be honest when he feels vulnerable. It’s nice to be able to take care of someone, but know you will be taken care of too.

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