"Mom!" he screams from the second row of my mommy SUV, tethered to his car seat for his safety and mine. "I just saw the cwoss where Jesus died!"
I cringe a little. Just a couple weeks back at Holy Christian Loves Jesus Praise the Lord Preschool (HCLJPLP, for short) and the boy is all reverent and shit.
"Um… I don't think that's the exact one, but I could be wrong." I say carefully, making sure I don't deflate his Jesus balloon. For now he is satisfied with this answer and, as usual, our conversation returns to the normal, comfortable topic of Starbucks – or rather "Stawbucks" – where he's just asked the manager for a job application. Totally normal for a 4 year old. If he's mine.
It's been a good week or so since I've offended someone on the internets [see my tweet where I *joke* likening Lord of the Rings to being Star Wars on horseback and thereby am told I am "worse than tea party Muslim hater" on Twitter] so I thought I'd talk about that dude God. If you can't take a little humor mixed in with a bit-o-religion it's best you walk away now. This is my disclaimer.
I get asked often – especially here on this blog and on Twitter – why I have sent my three boys to a holy rollin' preschool like HCLJPLP when its religious views leave such a distaste in my mouth. (That holy water is bitter, y'all.) The truth is, there are many reasons why my boys have all gone there for preschool. First and foremost, beyond its religious teachings, it has an outstanding academic program (even at the pre-k level) that makes our local school district look incompetent. That is why I picked HCLJPLP. The religion came with that academic program and has, in all honesty, taken some getting used to. However, I feel strongly that even though I don't believe in the things the school is teaching my children when comes to "god," I know they have a right to be exposed to those ideas and make up their own minds about what they believe.
I am a born, raised, baptized and maybe, possibly even micro-chipped Mormon (they can track you down, people) who has not seen the inside of sacrament meeting since the day I turned 18. The rules in my mom's house included going to church every Sunday until you were 18 and… I didn't go a single day after.
I knew from an early age that it wasn't for me. I didn't believe in it – not just Mormonism, but god himself/itself. I had a hard time sitting in cold folding chairs every Sunday for three hours, listening to words I didn't agree with. I was incapable of nodding along, pretending to agree and so I would politely debate the 'facts' with those who would speak and my questions were met with not only surprise (no one ever questioned the teachings!) but disdain.
"I don't think you get it. If you don't believe in the bible, " one bishop told me in a private meeting, "you're not going to go to Heaven." I'm not sure if this was a tactic to scare me into believing or if he was genuinely scared for my eternal damnation or what but I looked him dead in the eye and said, "No, you don't get it. If I don't believe in heaven then I don't believe in Hell so I am really not all that worried."
I never got called to another meeting with the bishop again.
In high school I would pretend to be Jewish because being Mormon was so not cool. The Mormon kids all hung out together under the big tree in the lunch area, being good christ-like children by, ironically, judging others for their sins. Besides, Judaism was the smart choice when it came to choosing your religion – they had eight days (fine, nights) of gifts, not just one, and just about every one of my Jewish friends got a new car for their 16th birthday. The Mormons were clearly doing it wrong.
My plan of being a Jew went awry quickly and I had to quit Judaism when I started receiving gifts every day during Chanukah from a secret Jewish admirer. The Mormon guilt I was raised with set in and I had to stop pretending to believe in something I knew nothing about. And to think I gave up pork for this. [I would later find out that I am actually Jewish, but on my father's side which apparently doesn't count. THANKS DAD.]
But it didn't matter because really, I didn't believe in Judaism either. In all truth, I didn't and do not believe in anything. And here's the part people don't understand about atheists. Maybe not all atheists, but at least some atheists… Some of us don't believe in god not because we don't want to or because we have this overwhelming urge to go against society's grain. Some of us would really love to have something to believe in, we just haven't found it yet. Or, maybe, we've found something else; something different than god. That doesn't make us bad people or sinners or even lost souls.
And it certainly doesn't make me feel differently about the people in my life who do believe in god. To each their own. After all, I did marry a devout Catholic who attends church regularly. You know, Christmas mass every fourth or fifth year, whenever his grandma is in town or if there's a family wedding.
I take that back. I do believe in something. I believe in being a good person. That simple.
Amen! That’s exactly how I feel about religion and the dude… God.
I second that! I hate when people say they’re sad that you don’t belive in this, that or the other thing – that’s it’s a weakness for you. I’m not going to go to church to please other people. I just live my life doing the right things, not hurting people, being kind (as I can, muw ha ha), and just being a good person (after I’ve had my coffee, of course). I knew I loved you Megan! Love the tat, btw. I just got some japanese cherry blosomms. Keep up the good blogs!
Great post!
I was raised Catholic, had to attend mass every Sunday until I was about 16. I never really believed much of what was said, I thought I was going to hell for questioning religion. It wasnt until I met my husband, who sorta went through the same thing, that I realized I wasnt a bad person &/or going to hell. I just thought differently and that was ok.
What a coinkydink, the Mormons made me a godless heathen to. But I wasn’t Mormon. But My friends were. And I wanted to be with my friends who were Mormon. Until I didn’t.
Good without god for nearly 24 years now.
I’m also an athiest who sent my kids to a holy rolling private school basically because it was a good school and there were great student teacher ratios. Each class has between 8 and 12 kids PER GRADE. I loved it until they closed. I didn’t mind my kids getting taught about GOd. I have never talked to them much about me being athiest. They know I am but I don’t give them my debate on all the reasons I don’t believe. I don’t want to influence them one way or the other. SO now my DD10 says she does believe in God and my DS9 says he doesn’t. SO there ya go. Even exposure won’t make them christians. “Praise Jeebus”
Oh my, I so needed this blog right now. I say right now, because I just got an email last night from my mother alerting me to where my local ward is and that she’s going to notify the Bishop and visiting teacher’s to my existence; something I’ve been trying to keep secret for quite some time now. And I totally wanted to be Jewish, too in high school… which is really weird. Glad I’m not the only one. Thanks for posting.
Suppose your boy sees yet another cross and remembers the old one. “Hey, Mommy, why are there two cwosses?” Imma give you the answer now, just so you don’t fumble your latte into your lap, lose control of the SUV, and plow into a couple of slow-moving bicyclists whom you inadvertantly reunite with their departed ancestors. Fast-thinker that you are, don’t panic and go for the obvious, “They moved it so more people can see it.” That’s not bad, but he just might notice that this cwoss, er, cross is not exactly like the one he saw previously: then you’re screwed.
The correct answer is, “Honey, the Romans crucified thousands of bad people.” Then you can make up some shit about who was nailed to that cross. Hell, you’ll be looking for crosses to point out to him just so you can make up more shit.
And because everyone else is bragging on their creds, from when I was 7, the Catholic priests at my church called me “Doubting Thomas.” Obviously, those priests were not, and did not have the right stuff to be, Jesuits.
Brava lady.
i agree!
I’m atheist too. I tried to go to church and believe in everything when I was a kid and I just didn’t. I’ve been living a much happier life since I stopped trying to push that on myself.
I don’t think I could do what you are doing with your kids, though, and enroll my son in a religious school. I wouldn’t feel that it was fair to fully immerse my impressionable child into that culture. I’d rather wait until he is old enough to really have his own thoughts about it, and until then just talk to him about the various things people believe.
i was raised catholic and stopped going to church (much to my dad’s disappointment) not long after i turned 18. i find it very difficult to have christianity shoved down my throat every time i turn around. freedom of religion means freedom to choose between baptist and pentacostal for so many people. they just don’t get that other people can think differently from them, believe (or disbelieve) differently from them and still be good people. they insist that being sensitive to other people’s ethical constructs is being “politically correct” and frankly, that sucks.
Oh, I love you tons more for this post, & laughed pretty hard at the micro chipped comment. I was never baptized and I still get missionaries at my door. My dad’s side of the family is Mormon and I grew up being made go to church when I was with him. And I knew I didn’t believe. How can you believe when you are hearing such crazy things? I haven’t been back since I turned 18. Best decision ever. Most of the private schools here are religious based. If I have to send my kid to a religious based school in order for them to be properly educated, I will. The public schools here suck.
Luckily to study your write-up, thank you. With rather finest wishes in your happiness in new day.
Awesome post!
I too am an Atheist – and a pretty damn good person.
Respecting others and their beliefs is what it’s all about baby!
Thanks so much for being so very honest – I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog!
Ahhh…religion. It’s a sore-spot in my household. I am Catholic, my husband was raised Jehovah Witness, he converted and I am to “blame.” Even though he converted and ended up bringing ME back to my faith and not the other way around.
My stepkids are/were Jehovah Witness and when we got custody of them they were exposed to our Catholic faith. One has disassocaited with the JW Hall for good and one is still trying to figure it all out.
Either way – we support whatever they choose and I commend you for doing the same with your kids. It takes a lot of faith in yourself to do that for them.
Hear, hear.
I absolutely agree. Even to the point that I sent my kids to religious school through their Bar Mitzvahs (mostly for family harmony).
Here’s the thing: They’ll figure it out. No amount of indoctrination can keep a good intellect down. And then you won’t have to worry about it anymore.
I enjoyed your post, and I have long questioned organized religion on many levels. I was born and raised a Catholic, but haven’t been to mass in probably over 20 years except to a couple family funerals in that time. I consider myself agnostic, but still think it’s a nice set of guidelines to live your life. I just don’t agree with the nitpicky details and obviously flawed rules, but if one looks closely at most christian religions and many others the basic tenets are the same. Live your life well, and try to treat others well. You are doing well by your children, they will appreciate your giving them the choice when they start to think about religion for themselves (if they ever care to). You might even take them to synagogue once or twice to let them try that out too. :)
What a great post! I totally agree with you.
Saw a bumper sticker the other day that pretty much sums up what I believe, it said: “Born ok the first time.” Amen.
I believe in love. And humanity. And doing your best.
And my kid is in Catholic school, with his atheist mother, so. Oh! And his Baptist daddy! We’ll see how that all goes.
I loved your post today! I’m a former mormon as well.
I’m not really anything, but I put my kids in a holy roller preschool for its excellent education. We had a carpool that included my not anything kid, a Catholic kid, and a Mormon kid. They had the greatest conversations in the car about the weekly bible verses.
I have a mother-in-law who likes to try to convert me to her religion of the week (it’s Bahai right now) and a sister-in-law who dragged my brother into evangelicalism (they don’t try to convert me).
As for my own views, I believe in me. I believe in the people around me. I believe that we make this world an amazing place.
Really intriguing blog post! I avoid discussing politics and religion in person and would most likely not tackle it on my blog either due to my uncomfortableness with the subjects. I was shocked to find out you were raised Mormon! I just assumed your roots were Catholic since you send your kids to Catholic school. Besides, I’ve never known any Mormons until I’ve met a few on Twitter! I believe in God but pretty much despise organized religion. I’m a firm believer in not needing to be in a church to worship. Living a good life has more to do with how you live day to day and treat others than how often you attend church! You’re a great mom and I’m proud to know you!
My holy roller friends (of various religious backgrounds: catholic, Jew, Mormon, Muslim, Dutch reform) often say things to me like “I don’t get how you don’t believe in anything” to which I respond, “I believe in people and goodness and that amounts to a whole lot considering it means I don’t have the excuse of chalking up bad shit to “God’s will” or some variation of this reply. AND I never prevent my kids from being exposes to any of these religions, it’s good for then to have the opportunity to hear stories and roll ideas around in their own heads. Good on you!!
Great Post!
I am in the same situation–don’t believe in the Catholic Church but send my daughter to a private catholic school. My daughter loves it there and (for now) loves the religious aspect of it. I support her by taking her to Mass and what not however I also speak to her of other religions and when she is old enough I will support whatever spiritual decision she makes. For me, it came down to wanting the best education for her and just rolling with the catholic stuff.
*slow clap*
Now that’s a view on religion I can get down with.
I often feel compelled to spill my views (very similar to yours) on facebook, twitter and my blog. I don’t because my very mormon mother reads my blog and it just causes an argument. Thank you for being so brave, you have given me a new found freedom because I am not the only one out there. Thanks UD, love your blog.
I was raised by a lapsed baptist (who never really bought into it) and an atheist Jew. Basically I was raised to just be a good person. That, is something I can believe in.
That and good coffee. My religion of life. :)
I always wonder why people can just agree to disagree. Why we pick fights (and wars) with people over their beliefs.
Ha ha, this might explain part of why I started following your blog in the first place.
Have you seen the religion selection chart? Too funny:
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2010/09/an-apology-from-marty-contd.html
You summed it up perfectly for me, at the very end there. I believe in being a good person, and I live my life to that standard. If that’s not good enough for whatever god might be there, even though I don’t believe there to be one, then I’m really not interested anyway! :)
I was born and raised Catholic and right now I’m undecided… I like calling myself agnostic because I do believe there is a GOd but other than that I just play it by ear and try to be the best person I can be (not in the army … yeah bad joke but couldn’t help myself!!! Anyway, I do want to expose my daughter to religion though because I feel it’s a good “starter kit” to start her beliefs negotiations and if she tells me one day that Catholism is crapola and she wants to be a Buddist… ALL POWER TO HER!! I just think every religion starts with good moral values and that is something that should be taught to everyone… All the rest is to be left to interpretation.
If every member of an organized religion would follow your lead, the world would be a much better place. As a believer in God and the bible, I shy away from using the label Christian to describe myself because the word has started to have so many negative connotations to so many people. Some of my favourite people are non-believers and I count them as better “Christians” than a lot of the people I’ve met in churches.
I don’t think I could agree with your views on it all more.
I can honestly say that I would love to have that religion or a god to believe but it just is not there for me.
I had to laugh at the micro-chip comment. I was born, raised, baptised Mormon too (in Ohio). I haven’t been inside a Mormon church since I was 12 or 13 and they not only searched and found the adress (my brother’s house) I stayed at in Utah 17 years ago when my mom died but showed up at my house in Chicago a couple of weeks ago asking for me by my maiden name.
So, I am quite certain I’ve been micro chipped. Freaky.
What a breath of fresh-air reading this post!
I wouldn’t call myself an Atheist, more so Agnostic, but either way I have very differing opinions from my devout Catholic husband. We are in the process of adoption, and discuss often how we will raise our children regarding religion. I very much respect for what my husband believes (and even go to church with him on occasion to support him – ‘him’ being my husband), and want our future children to be exposed to several different religions so that they can make informed decisions on what they believe.
Further, I couldn’t agree with you more on that last part about believing in being a good person. I use that line on my huband’s family regularly when they tell me I’m going to hell for not believing. (And I’ll tell you – I’ve done far less ‘sinning’ in my life than many of them have!)
Thanks for the post!!
You should totally join us Catholics. We like liquor.