Think you can’t afford Blogher NYC? Think again.

Don't roll your pretty little eyes at me like Oh c'mon! A Blogher conference post *already?* We'll have to hear enough about this come June, July, August and maybe even September. GAH! I'm not even going. Who can afford that?

Ahhh… but you see, that's entirely my point. While attending Blogher's annual conference in August may make your ears ring with cha-chinging at the mere thought of a pass! New York City! airfare! the Hilton for christ's sake! etc., there are actually ways to stop the cash flow hemorrhaging and still make it to epicenter of where internet meets real life FOR LESS THAN YOU THINK!

(That was my best Billy Mays impression, take it or leave it.) (RIP.)

Why I want you there and why I think you (AND YES, YOU!) should be there is a whole other post for a whole other day.

Here are some of my suggestions:

1. Buy your conference pass NOW. As in, on or before February 28 which is this Sunday, after which it will cost you $100 more to attend.

Second possible option? Last year when Blogher sold-out, they offered a lobbycon (I think that's what it's called) pass. Pros: Waaay less money than the full pass. Cons: You don't get to attend the sessions in the rooms but rather hear them in various lobbies via TVs and over speakers. It's unclear whether the lobbycon pass is being offered this year. (I asked on Twitter, but haven't heard back yet.)

Third possible option: If you're not as interested in attending sessions all day at Blogher and more inclined to see whose avatar matches their actual face and socialize (or maybe Blogher is your excuse to see NYC) opt for the cocktail parties only pass for $50. You, lush you!

2. Shack up with some roomies. At $200/night plus taxes and fees, there's nothing like making the most of your quality time together than putting four people in two double beds. When you thought of attending Blogher it wasn't because you were envisioning restful nights and peace and quiet, right? (If it was, well then, let's talk.) Split that $200 four ways and you're down to $50/night per person. AT THE HILTON. Tom Bodet can't beat that. Now, that being said, you could stay somewhere else. But before you salivate over the thought of a cheaper-per-night hotel, be sure to consider these things:

- How far is it from the Hilton where Blogher is? (Think cab fare, walking distance, etc.)

- Even if you can walk to your hotel from the Hilton, it's not necessarily safe to late at night when you've decided to leave the cocktail party and head for bed.

- Maybe you plan on walking with a group of friends back to your other hotel but know that realistically, this probably won't always work out. Someone might want to head back earlier or later; someone might choose sleeping on someone else's floor at the Hilton in lieu of walking in those goddamn heels another ten feet.

3. Watch airline prices for a couple of weeks before purchasing. Tuesday and Wednesday nights typically have the best deals. (Seriously.) Both Southwest and Virgin America fly into NY and either La Guardia or JFK airports will suffice.

SUPER SAVER TIP (ha): Flying home on Monday rather than Sunday can save you almost $200. But wait Megan, you say. That means another night at the Hilton! More money! Well, hold your britches, missy/mister. IF you can coerce your roomies to also stay until Monday (sell them on the cheaper airfare) then that means only another $50 each (see #2), thus saving you each $150 in airfare than if you had come home Sunday. PLUS! you get all day Sunday to see NYC. Double win. You're welcome.

4. Save now to spend then. Besides your Blogher conference pass, hotel stay and airfare you will need some cash to spend at Blogher. Think cab fares to and from airport, meals (the ol' hot dog from the street cart vendor will lose its luster quickly) and hey, let's face it, not everyone is a one-drink-ticket kind of mingler. So here's my super simple plan that's much easier said than done:

Your grande 2 pump non-fat mocha with whip costs you $3.65 every day, 7 days a week because you're a devoted Starbucks customer. BUT WHAT HAS STARBUCKS EVER DONE FOR YOU? (Except make you an addict and drain your wallet? EXACTLY.) So what I want you to do is – and sit down for this – I want you to *skip* that grande 2 pump non-fat mocha with whip 4 times a week beginning March 1 and put that money away in an envelope that cannot be touched, even in a full-blown PMS emergency.

If you do this straight through July 31 (22 weeks – BUT YOU CAN DO IT!), you will have saved $321.20. Plenty of spending money for Blogher.

Fine. You're like me and totally incapable of giving up your cappuccino/latte/mocha/americano, I GET IT. Here's your other option. Save your change. Seriously. Spend cash, save all your coins in a jar and roll them come the end of July. And don't be all CoinStar lazy about it either. Take an hour out of your precious time to roll your own damn pennies and nickels and quarters and dimes and take them to the bank to cash in. You'd be surprised how much you can rack up.

And when you do arrive at Blogher NYC, I expect a goddamn hug or fist bump or something for these savvy little savings tips I just provided.

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Added: I didn't mean to offend anyone with this post nor insinuate that it was merely a matter of determination in order for you to make it to Blogher. We all have different financial situations and I was simply hoping to point out some ideas that might make it easier for people to go; perhaps ideas that hadn't been thought of. Newly laid-off, I'm having to think very carefully about how I'm going to get to NYC and I was only hoping to help, not offend.

Weekend in photographs

Not to make all you snomageddon people in the every-where-but-this-part-of-the-country jealous, but this weekend was nothing short of gorgeous here in So Cal; a perfect 80 degrees and so we were lucky enough to get to spend some much needed time outdoors. Suddenly I have a hankering for summer. (Remind me of this when I bitch and complain about how super miserably hot it is come June.) 

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Send your lover a valentine they’ll never forget. Also? Send your enemy one too.

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So you're not waaay into this whole commercializing your love thing that is, essentially, Valentine's Day. I feel ya. I'm totally picking up what you're putting down. But rather than totally bow-out of all the cupidness (which also, ironically rhymes with stupidness – EPIPHANY!) take a moment or two to express your love - or hatred - to those nearest and dearest and most hated to you via a someecard.

(Seriously – no one is paying me to pimp these cards, they just crack my shit up. I now send them via email to almost everyone I know for every occasion I can think of [or make-up] just for shits and giggles. They're free, funny as hell and I'm easily entertained like that.)

For your lover, may I recommend:

"Nothing Steve Jobs ever creates could fully replace you in my life." (here)

"I promise to say all the right things this Valentine's Day without having to scribble them on my palm." (here)

"Thinking of Facebook-stalking you this Valentine's Day." (here)

"Be aware that whether you give me Valentine's Day candy or not I will fear the worst regarding your thoughts on my weight." (here)

"It's not what you do for me for Valentine's Day that matters but the amount of jealousy it provokes in others." (here)

"Let's have a fiscally but not sexually conservative Valentine's Day." (here)

"Please give me an estimate of the cheapest Valentine's Day date that will still result in us having sex." (here

"Big dinners make me drowsy so let's do the sex part first." (here)

"I'm falling in love with you and would like to go on a second date." (here)

"I can't believe how much I'm not sick of you." (here)

"Let's break out the special lube tonight." (here)

"Your gift to me was so wonderful that I think you've been cheating on me." (here)

For your foe, may I recommend:

"Sorry the only ring you're wearing this Valentine's Day is a contraceptive in your vagina." (here)

"Just sending a preemptive apology since Valentine's Day can't possibly live up to your expectations." (here)

For the person you hate to love and love to hate, I recommend:

"Remember not to wear yourself out with the SI Swimsuit Issue before our Valentine's Day date." (here)

"Show how much you care this Valentine's Day by not picking her up in a Toyota." (here)

"Be my Valentines if we're still dating then." (here)

For your friends, may I recommend:

"I'm so grateful Valentine's Day is on a Sunday so I don't have to watch everyone's flowers being delivered at work." (here)

"Join me for a girls' night this Valentine's Day to celebrate our independence before we drunk text our exes and quietly sob ourselves to sleep." (here)

"My true love is out there somewhere and they can go fuck themselves." (here)

"This is the most special of the estimated one billion cards that will be sent this Valentine's Day." (here)

"Don't forget that blow jobs are like flowers for men." (here)

"There simply must be a correlation between quantity of chocolate purchased and anal sex permitted." (here)

"I'm in love and not afraid to annoy the shit out of everyone." (here)

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Also cool? Someecards also has invitations for a bazillion occasions (yes, even baby showers and break-ups/divorce) and cards for every holiday imaginable (like Lent, Mardi Gras and Tax Day to name a few).

Happy Valentine's Day, fuckers.

xoxo,
Megan

Dr. Phil-ing you in

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As it turns out, my claim to fame as now having been a guest on the Dr. Phil show is really very anti-climatic when I worked like crazy for a week to gather content for their show only to get to speak once… from the audience.

For being a guest they said they needed on the show, I felt a little less than important not having a dressing room of my own because they ran out (see: attempting wardrobe change in single bathroom stall without letting bare feet touch the icky ground), which also meant no gift bag like all the other guests received (where would they have put it? bathroom stall # 1?), being stuck backstage rather than in a green room prior to my taping with the family of two teenaged girls who were being CHEWED THE FUCK OUT by Dr. Phil during theirs (read: hella awkward), being primped with make-up that made me look a wee bit whore-ish which still hasn't come off entirely (by a very lovely lady though) who offered to 'help' me 'a little bit' (also see: purple eye shadow, pink glossy lipstick) and then being introduced wrong and given credit for a video I had never seen in my life, let alone put together.

There were some very cool highlights though. Like being asked if comedian Paul Rodriguez and I were a couple, meeting Amy from ParentDish and… some other interesting thing. Oh yeah, check out the backlots… I think they film The Mentalist there!

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But mostly, I was frustrated by only getting the chance to say one thing which I can't even recall because it happened so fast and I was still reeling from being introduced wrong. Besides, before I could finish that thought, I was interrupted by ol' Phil himself. (Yet the producers of the show had been calling me over and over for more insight, more information – what did I think of this and what did I think about that - all week long, including the night before we taped.) Prior to the show the producer and I went over my "talking points" which really, should have been my talking point.

Also annoying was how the show went from being about this study to becoming an intervention of some sort for a very young couple who - sorry - have slim chances of making it together if the husband can't pull his fat head out of his biblical ass. (See: "Well God says in the Bible that females are the weaker sex" and then AND THEN!!! the wife defends him. *smoke comes out my ears, ass on edge of strategically placed seat in the audience aaaand I can't say a got-damn thing*)

Aaaaand curtain.

Yep.

To be fair, no one on the panel got to say a whole lot (there were just too many guests for this one show, honestly)… including Mr. Robinson himself who I think wanted to defend his study a tad bit more than he was able to do. (I, on the other hand, wanted to hear Mr. Robinson's argument and then beat him down in a throwdown of words and inaccuracies, examples and witty comebacks. But alas, I didn't have the chance.)

The young couple who need Dr. Phil's help apparently? They asked to meet him but he didn't have time to meet them… or any of us. He's apparently lacking the leisure time moms like me have on our plates.

When can you see this hard-hitting discussion between angry moms (me) and Dr. Robinson? Oh and three other panelists, two comedians and one screwed up couple? I don't know. They couldn't tell us when it might air. But if you happen to catch it, remember that a) I didn't do my own make-up and b) let me know what I said and if it made any sense at all.

The Mario Bros Cake Smackdown – Vote for the best

I only mention it about a dozen times in my video, but remember, THIS IS A CAKE *DECORATING* CONTEST, not a cake tasting contest.

That being said, I've had a sneak peek at Matthew's creation and I do have to give him credit. For trying.

I kid. Honestly, I think his cake turned out amazing. Albeit just a smidge less amazing than mine, of course. But it doesn't really matter what I think – it's about what you think.

Vote in the comments section AFTER seeing both my masterpiece AND Matthew's.

The rules were simple: Create a Mario Bros themed cake.

There is no shiny golden trophy up for grabs; no cash reward or giant cardboard check to be handed out – just a heaping helping of mad street cred which either of us will gladly accept.

Without further ado, here's my creation:
(Don't forget to check out Matthew's before commenting with your vote.)

Cake SMACKDOWN! from Undomestic Diva on Vimeo.

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If you can't see the video or want to see a larger version, click here.